That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
