I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
