I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
