it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
