Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
