i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
