Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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