My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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