I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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