bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
