i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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