Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
