You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Couch. On fire.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize