I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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