I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize