I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
