the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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