The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
