Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
