I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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