I CAN MOONWALK!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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