i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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