When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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