I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
