zippers are such a cool invention
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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