there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
