she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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