i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
