Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
