I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
