i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
