I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
