So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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