why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
