apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
