Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
