His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
