i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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