I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
barbara walters just said penis...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
