Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
