Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
