I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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