worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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