Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize