Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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