i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
