i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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