Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
