The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize