All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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