Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize