I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
