It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
