Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
