im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
