Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
