Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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