So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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