watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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