I want to walk on stilts...naked
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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