omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
