I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
