Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
