Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize