There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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