I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
