I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
