I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
