I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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