Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I believe in your delicious
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
