Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
