Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
