I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am available for nakedness
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
